A few blogs from the past.

Oh My Goodness. Sometimes i forget how funny i actually am. Well i mean i know im funny because you know, I live with myself ;) And i make myself laugh all day.. But sometimes i forget exactly HOW funny i am and i LOVE when i find little reminders from my past life ;) Yeah cause i had a past life. Who i am now, is not who i've been. Even though i am who i have always been obviously, but.. Things change, you know? Ah- Anyway's it's time again.. To share with you..... Blogs from my past. And i really hope you all dont mind.. Im going to be sharing alot. Even maybe some things you wont want to read? Or who know's? You might.




December 7th 2008. Title "Im just so darn tired"



"I am not spending the rest of my life with a loser"



I just heard it on a movie, No offense :] Im only quoting it people.

I thought i would share it though, Ladies.. Write it down, Remember it.

Live it, Love it, Repeat it, Every day, Every day.



LOL KIDDING! I wish you could have heard how i was saying it- I would compare my voice and the way i was talking to *JIM CAREY on THE CABLE GUY* I added a little bit of a LISP ;]



HEHEHE- I love that movie by the way! It's hillarious *ppprraaaaa*

(reliving the midevil scene) DUDE, it's even FUNNIER if you have

the dvd and you make it talk in spanish instead of english, lol it's

sooooo funny ;) NO YOKE.



Papa is having is surgery tomorrow, by the way.. The hip surgery.

At like 6 or 7 in the morning.. I am not looking forward to waking up for that one. Bleh, i just want to sleep and be lazy, why wont you people leave me alone?



Oh gahh, i feel so sick. I ate too much cereal. But it was so good ;(

I had more than i should have.. Ughhhhh, i have a belly ache now...



Tuffy say's HELLO, and BE GOOD.





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Oct 2, 2008 Title "That one filthy habit.. Is what got me where i am today."



This really sucks.. I like myself much better without the patch, but i cant take it off, because i would probably kill somebody if i did.... Cigarettes have ruined my life.. Seriously, they have.. What was i thinking when i started smoking? I wasnt thinking..



I always wanted to know how it felt when someone knew it was time to smoke another one.. I always watched my Aunt and wondered.. How does she know when to smoke another one.. Is she lighting up another one just because she want's to? Or what? How does it feel? I wanted to know.. I wanted to be a smoker...



And now, i know.. And i spent 6 years old my life, being a non-stop smoker.. And years before that i played around with it but was never addicted... Why would i even want to know that kind of feeling? =/ Now i cant live without nicotine, cant survive day to day without it... I didnt really know the seriousness of becoming addicted.. I wish i knew then, what i know now... I would have NEVER even looked in the direction of a cigarette.



It's horrible.. It's a horrible feeling..



Today i got stuck without a patch for hours, i felt insane... I felt so hyper, and crazy.. I felt like i should have been in a mental hospital.. But it wasnt so bad.. I felt creative, i was laughing, i was throwing funnies at certain peoples, And making myself laugh.. Making them laugh.. I was typing extremely fast, and i had so many thoughts.. I felt Insanely amazing.. But at the same time, I felt moody.. Like if anyone was to talk to me the wrong way, I just might have killed them..



And then i put the patch on.. Breathe....



Okay... Im feeling a little better.. Blahh.. But NO ENERGY. NO EXCITMENT. NOTHING... Just a person sitting here wondering what to say next... And yet i still had a huge moodswing problem tonight... It's just like everything in life, i am damned if i do.. And i am damned if i dont.. I cant win.. Where do i draw the line?



I have to keep using this patch though or im just going to- Like Duncan said "Break The Cycle" lol I dont want to do that.. I dont want to be a smoker anymore! Why couldnt i have just stopped cold turkey.. Why now must i be stuck on something that i cant go a day without?



I just want to be free of this. I want these chains of these cigarettes to be broken from my life.. The chains of being addicted... I want to break them all..



I've been four weeks without cigarettes... I finished four weeks of step one on the patch. And today i started step two.. This is day one.. Lord help me... And help the people around me who are in my life, and have to deal with me..



Im sorry i am so difficult..



If i could chose to be any other way.. I would.. But at this point, i cant help it =/ I've put myself where i am today, and i am trying my hardest to get myself out of this mess i've put myself in to.. It's not fun, and it's not easy.. But i am trying.. I am giving my all..... It's the best i can do...







And that is only two blogs. More on the way.. Enjoy.