Rest in Peace my lil Katie Girl

I just don't understand life. I really don't. I'm hurting tonight and I have absolutely nobody to talk to about it. So as usual, I share my thoughts with the world. I doubt anybody reads this stuff anymore.. But it doesn't even matter if your reading or not. I'm about to share something anyway.

11 years ago, when I was 16 years old and I befriended one of the craziest girls I have ever known. I can remember the first time we ever met. She came to visit and got saved in the living room of our double wide trailer and then we went to church that night.

I remember buying her a rose the first time we met. I just loved her so much. She was unlike any other girl I had ever spoken to. Always full of life and adventure. There was never a dull moment in her life. I remember just a few months ago she called, and she talked my head off. She could literally talk for hours non stop. And she went on and on about how glamorous she was.. No matter how bad her life was she never let anybody ever rain on her parade. Not even herself.

The last time we talked was this passed Tuesday. And I wish I had known then what I know right now. She was hurting more than I will ever know, and I treated that last phone call as If it was just any other day. I had never really heard her cry before but that phone call, was bitter sweet. She was crying and telling me how upside down her life was. And I figured it was just another crazy day in the life of Katie. I didn't even take her serious.

Today I found out at yesterday morning she passed away. I'm not 100% sure but I think she may have overdosed. I'm still waiting to hear from family members for additional information.

Once again, I've lost yet another friend in a tragic way.  And once again I am reminded of how precious life is. How fragile our days here are. I wish I could go back to Tuesday, I wish I could have listened more and loved more and I wish I had tried to help her. 

I know I can't go back and what's done is done. But if I could I would do things differently.

I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.

Katie Bear, you may be gone. But you most definitely will never be forgotten.

I'll never forget our first phone call or our last. And all of memories in between, the good and the bad and the ugly.. I'll miss you, forever.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk

Sins.

Tonight's Topic: SIN

Why is tonight's topic SIN, of all things..?

Because I am a sinner.
I am a Christian, Yes.
But i am not perfect.
And i admit, i am a sinner.
I sin every day.
Whether knowing or not knowing,
Because we are all born with a sinful nature.

If you are a 7 year old,
Innocent and pure,
And you have hate (anger) in your heart,
You have sinned.

Does this mean that the child is a bad person? No.
She may or may not know better.
And she may be innocent.

But to feel an emotion such as hate- Is just that, a natural emotion.
Created by God and given to us by God.
So it comes naturally.
Sin comes naturally.

Now i am in no way saying it's a good thing, and that we should all do it, willingly.
But it's natural. And it happens. Whether we like it or not. It happens every day.
Whether you choose to sin or not, sometimes you do.

The Bible say's, God came in the form of a MAN, and walked the EARTH as a MAN (JESUS)
With a human mind, and human emotions, with a earthly body, and a heart and soul.
He was just like you and i. He was the son of God, and he was God in the flesh,
But he was no different than us. And he lived a sin-free life.

So it's not IMPOSSIBLE to stop sinning.
But- it happens.

Which is why Jesus came in the first place.

So now.. on to my point ;)

Tonight i was feeling a little distant from God.
So i started trying to figure out why i would feel distant from God.
Obviously God would not distance his self from me.
He is God and he can do whatever he wants, but why would he want to?
He loves us, and all he ever wants is to be with us.
We seperate our own selves from God.
And SIN seperates us from God as well.
And without forgiveness, sin remains.

I've been struggling recently with forgiveness of sins.
Not because God cannot forgive me, and Not because God wont,
But because i feel too ashamed to ASK God for forgiveness.
Which to me, is a bigger sin than just sinning itsself.

How can God send his only son to die for a person who feels "too shameful" to ask for forgiveness.
As if, i am greater than God, and i am greater than Jesus, and i am greater than the blood that he shed for me.

As if i am something so lovely, sitting on a little rose petal in a garden, twiddling my thumbs, & saying, oh.. woe is me.. im a sinner.. ladee dee laddi da.... I cant ask Jesus for forgiveness, because im ashamed. (hash-tag sad face)

Mind you these were not my original thoughts ;)
As i said, i was feeling distant from God.
And the questions in my head were circling non stop.
I even googled a thing or two :|

And out of no where, i got a text-message on my phone.
From a beautiful friend of mine, asking for Prayer.
I hate asking someone "why" they want prayer,
But some times i feel led to.

First i let her know i would pray for her,
but then i had to ask her what was wrong.
And boy am i glad i did.

Because we were both dealing with similar things,
And in both of our situations, our main problem was
SIN.

Sin, Guilt, Shame,
Past, Present, Future,
Forgiveness, Fear, Worry, i could go on.

And before i knew it my spirit leaped,
and my fingers started typing non-stop.
And was exactly what i needed tonight.
The Lord spoke TO her THROUGH me,
AND THROUGH ME to ME lol

And that's why im sharing,
Because tonight, This might be exactly what YOU needed.



God forgives and he forgets. God would never throw your past up to you.
God would never cause you guilt or shame. If you have asked for forgiveness
and God has forgiven you, and he has washed away those particular sins,
What makes you think God would feel the need to remind you of them?
The only person reminding you is the enemy, and your own mind of course.

God's words would be "What sin?"
He would say, my blood has covered that sin,
and the sin before that, and the sin 10 years to come.

If your being reminded of a sin that God made white as snow, it isnt God.
It isnt God, or Jesus, and it isnt the Holy Spirit.
Because Gods love and his mercy is unfailing, and it is NEW every morning.

But you see the devil has a smooth way of whispering lies into your ear.
Remember this? Remember that?
You are so unworthy.
How could you do that?
You should live in shame.

But the truth is nobody should or will ever have to live in shame, because our sins are gone like the wind and forgotten. They will never be brought up again. That's why Jesus died.

And if your sin is still that much alive in your spirit to cause you to feel bad then Jesus died for no reason and your pretty much telling him *WHAT HE DID DO* wasnt good enough.... Because *your sins* are so horrible.. They are just too big for God.

Your saying what Jesus went through had no purpose, because your sins are greater than his blood.

Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Your sins are at the bottom of the ocean floor, if they mean that much to you to hold onto them,
then go & get them... :) or let Gods mercy wash them away.

Your sins may be great but your God is greater.
We all deal with guilt and shame.
We will all remember what we did yesterday, what we did today, what we did last sunday, last monday and last tuesday. And we'll remember what we do tonight.

Next time your sins are thrown in your face, Throw em right to God,
At least asking for forgiveness again is better than sitting around dwelling on the thought of what you did.

I literally sat here tonight thinking..

I want to ask God for forgiveness..
But who am i, that i can so freely sin and then run back to him?
But then i realized.
It's not about WHO I Am..
It's about WHO HE IS.

And running back to him, is a free gift, that he has given us, for his own pleasure.

He made us,
We arent here because we chose to be.
We are here because he CHOSE us TO be.

It brought God Joy to crucify Jesus.
It pleased God to bruise him..

All because of us.
Because of You and Me.
All he wanted was us.
And for us to be able to freely come to him without sacrifice or without paying a price.
And that is what Jesus did.

He took OUR guilt and our shame on that day.
Not with the mind set of "He/She will NEVER sin again..."
But more like "He/She will sin daily"

YOU Need not to worry!
Just come to me..
I WILL TAKE YOUR GUILT AND YOUR SHAME AND YOUR SIN.
AND I WILL SET YOU FREE, JUST COME TO ME.

Come to me all who are weary and burdened
And I WILL GIVE YOU REST.
He knew we'd sin OVER and OVER and OVER.
He knew over & over & over we'd ask for forgiveness.
And he knew that every time... He would forgive us.
And he didnt mind at all.


God doesnt want you to live a guilt-filled and shameful life.
He wants you to know, He is there, to forgive you.
No matter what your problem is, No matter how big or small your sin may be.
God has the power to forgive you, and to make you brand-new.

All you have to do is ask..
Start over tonight, or today, whatever time your reading this.
Ask God to forgive you of your sins,
And believe in your heart that he has,
And it will be done.

And if you've never asked Jesus into your heart before,
Now is the time. Your chance is right here, right now.
Every day is a new day, and you can start over today.
There is nothing in this life that you could ever do,
that God cannot forgive you for, And God can fix any problem in your life.
You just have to let him.
Just call out to him,
He's waiting, and listening.
And willing to forgive and forget.

What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

I miss the old me.. Just a little bit.

I just found so many old videos on my USB Storage thing.
Some videos were from 2009 to 2011.
I've literally entertained myself by watching my own videos for the past two hours....
I miss my energy.... I miss my innocence.
I went through an unfortunate series of events these past few years.
And it's really emotionally and mentally and spiritually drained me.
I sure wish i could go back to when life was much simpler.
Im sure we all wish we could, eh?
I never realized how much 2011 changed me.
My personality and my heart, and my mind..
I learned alot and it brought me closer to God.
I've grown up alot and im much wiser than i was.
But i miss that lil person i used to be. Inside and Out.
And i know the devil used certain individuals to steal that away from Me.
They sucked the life right out of me.
Hopefully one day i can be me again.
& I know God loves to restore the things that devil tears apart.
Im just waiting for that day to come..
And maybe im not meant to be restored back to who i was 100%.
But i wish... Maybe for just a little bit..
I could have a little part of who i used to be back.

I have chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from me!

*PSALM 27:4*

One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

 

Many of you might know my name, or know who my Parents are, yet alot of you dont know much about me. I've called myself a Christian most of my life, but i didnt live my life LIKE a Christian should. A Christian means to live "LIKE CHRIST". Well i can promise you i didnt. I honored him with my lips, but MY HEART was far from him. And so was my mind, and my actions too.
 

God has been working on me for the past few years. He's been preparing me and speaking to me and using me in ways i NEVER imagined i would be used! And the change that he has made in my life, still to me seems unbelieveable. And i know the devil wants my soul more than anything on this earth. I know i have a calling on my life. And i know God is using me in great ways, and i KNOW he has even greater plans for me! And i know these past days, is a trap from the devil. And i rebuke it in the name of Jesus, and i refuse to fall for any thing that he will place before me.

 

 

I refuse to have hate in my heart or unforgiveness. I love everyone, I forgive everyone, I hold no grudges, i have no enemies and I pray you are all blessed beyond measure and and that you all prosper! I am a child of the most high God, and i am called for a higher purpose. And no demon in hell can even come close to my heart/mind. I've said all i've had to say, and i will say no more! The Lord is my light and my salvation. The Lord is my strength and my song. No weapon formed against me will prosper! As for Me and My house- WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!

Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feet, And A Light Unto My Path
 

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

 

 

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 

 

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Scriptures In Order:
Proverbs 3:3-7
Matthew 5:3-12
RomansI  12:9-21

Thank/Praise/Trust GOD.

Have you ever thought about how often you actually take the time to thank and praise God? I used to be one of those people who only did it when he did something GOOD for me, Something in MY favor, or Something i asked for... But now, i thank/praise God all day long. When im sitting in silence, or in a crowd of people, when im in a bad mood, good mood, no mood, spaced-out (which is most of the time...lol) I talk to God all day, and im always thanking him.. For the good, the bad, the wrong, the right.. He deserves so much more praise than we give him. Start practicing that. No matter where you are, or what your going through, just start thanking God for every single thing you can think of. Even the horrible day you may be having. The past two years of my life have been the worst two years of my life, but no matter what happened, i thanked God for each and every second of it. Through heart-ache, suffering, pain, torment, depression, confusion, aggervation, no matter what i was experiencing, i thanked God for it. You can start off by just simply saying "Thank You God". It's life-changing. Try it :) It will make a huge difference, I promise!

Another thing i have also learned to do, is say: "God i trust you" or "I trust you God" in the midst of chaos, or whatever it may be your going through. Just by letting God know, that you trust him. It reassures your faith in him, and it also will make a huge difference in your life, in your day, in that moment, in the situation. Say it, and mean it, and watch what God will do for you.

Remember: There is a time for everything and reason for EVERYTHING.
Trust in God, and Praise him and Thank him for EVERYTHING in your life.

God will sustain you,
And strengthen you,
And give you a peace and a joy that nothing on earth could ever give!
He will turn everything around in your life, exceed your expectations,
And your cup will be running over.

I love the the time change! (spring forward)

Hey Yall! I know it's been forever since i've written anything..

So i figured i would post something tonight since i was in the talking/writing mood!

 

I've noticed lately, im getting back into the things i used to love!

I used to love to draw. (yall probably didnt know that..)

I never was good at it, honestly i cant draw at all.

But years ago, i discovered i loved it,

and i found it oh-so-mesmerizing and therapeutic.

And yesterday, i found myself sitting on my bed drawing.

And there was so much joy in it!

 

Even though what i had drawn was nothing special,

It just felt good. And i felt inspired. and i loved it!

 

I also love writing.

Which im sure you can tell ;)

And right now, im enjoying this more than you will ever know!

 

There is so many things i actually love doing, and enjoy doing.

And over-time, i've forgotten about those things.

Or situations in my life (things that i've been through)

Caused me to lose the desire for those things.

...But It's all coming back to me now :)

 

So anyway, my message tonight is about this wonderful time change.

Which i know most of you probably hate..

But it's one of my favorite things.

I just cannot stress enough how much i adore the time change.

I love when we "spring forward".

I think it's the most beautiful time of year.

It's life-changing, and it's refreshing.

 

When i think of winter time, and the time going backwards-

I relate it to lonely, winter nights, that seem to last forever,

When the sun disappears at 5 pm, and the weather is unbearably cold.

And your clothes are double layered, and your skin is dry, and your miserable,

And Always, always freezing cold.

(i also relate it to dark-depressing times in my life.. ugh!)

 

But when Spring comes along, and the time changes again,

It's absolutely beautiful.

Seriously.

 

I know we lose an hour of sleep, but who cares?

You sleep enough dont you?

I sure do anyway. Every night.

And i sleep alot in the winter time. Like a bear.

 

Im also super lazy and always tired in the winter time.

 

But i live for summer.

No kidding, the joy of my life is summer.

(aside from God of course and the other things i love)

 

Im addicted to sunshine.

There is nothing better to me than sunshine.

And in the summertime, we get so much more of it.

And i love it, i love it, i love it!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It stays brighter, longer,

The sun doesnt say goodbye untill around 8.

And the heat is delicious.

 

Nothing feels better to me than the warm weather and the sun on my skin.

I would trade an hour of sleep, for more sunshine anytime, anyday.

Hello Spring! And I cannot wait to see you Summer!

 

 

_____________________________________________________

 

Also,

If your interested ;) These were the two things i drew yesterday lol

The one of "Alice And The Chesire Cat" Was actually started in 2008.

 And i never finished it.

So yesterday i did.......

 

And Alice alone, is a fresh drawing.

The words written on the pictures are lyrics.

To a Christian song called "Alice In Wonderland"

By Susan Ashton.

 

One of my most favoritest songs ever.

So beautiful, and bitter-sweet at the same time.

It's lovely. Seriously. Go buy it on iTunes.

 

It Says:

"She paints her word in yellow and green, covering over the grey's.

Cause lifes demands are hard to understand.. So Alice stays lost in her wonderland..."

 

It Say's:

"I said, Alice look around you.. People are falling to pieces.

Yeah, even the faithful, the ones who still belive in Jesus"

And also-

This is a painting i did a few years back.

It's Jack & Sally. I love them.

 

I could honestly go on & on tonight about the things i love,

But i'll spare you ;)

 

Goodnight Yall.

Be Good.

Love One Another.

Keep On Keepin On'.

Dont Give Up.

& SMILE :D

Every Chance You Get.

 

 

 

I know this is totally off topic, But i have to say real quick before i end this..

 

Do one thing every day that makes you happy,

Or just makes you smile, or laugh..

-An old friend taught me that.

A person not often mentioned in my life to other's,

But he is someone who has changed my life in so many ways.

Simply, through his kindness..

 

I dont even think he realizes the difference he has made in my life.

 

 

Laughter is one of God's Greatest Gifts.

Use it, It's one of those free gift's he offers us :)

 

Okay, im going to bed now.. haha

 

 

 

 

p.s. i adore things that inspire me.. ahh, im like just focusing on those things right now so strongly in life...... and music is most definitely one of them.. music.. and love.. and Jesus..  and.. sunshine lol ;)

 

Last Night's Thoughts (GOD WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT!)

My thoughts before i fell asleep last night:

It's human nature to disappoint and to be disappointed.. But God will never disappoint you, ever. (romans 10:11) A man/woman's love might fail you, but Gods love will never fail us. (psalms 136:1) Someone, someday might leave you, but God will never leave you. (hebrews 13:5) God keeps his promises and He fulfills them. (deuteronomy 7:9) And God is not a man that he should lie! (numbers 23:19) You can't compare the things in this life to what God has for you. (psalms 40:5) Stop allowing others to bring you down & Start letting God build you up! & Stop depending on things of this world, or people... to fulfill all of your needs.. GOD WILL SUPPLY ALL OF YOUR NEEDS! (phillipians 4:19) 

(thank God i tweeted them, or i would have never remembered, lol)

 

 

 

God was writing it all along..

 

And

Here

We

Are

Today.

 

 

Let God write your love story,

Instead of trying to create your own.

Let him exceed every expecation you could ever have.

 

 

A year ago, or months ago, 

I would have never thought i would have met someone like him.

Well really, I never imagined EVER that
I would meet someone like him.

But i did, and i Praise God every day for it.

 

 

He is unlike anyone i have ever met, or known.

He is so loving, and patient, and kind to me.

He is exactly what i imagine God had planned for me..

But i was too blind to see it before.

 

 

 

A year ago had you told me "God has something better for you"

I would have looked at you with doubt in my heart,

And probably would have thought..

"You dont know me.. Or my situation.."

 

 

But surprisingly..

God DID have something better for me.

Something greater than i could have ever imagined for myself.

 

 

When i look back, at a year ago,  at myself and my life

and my thoughts, I cannot even believe how different my life is now.

 

 

 

My life today is better than it has ever been, in all of my 26 years.

 

 

I never thought i could feel this kind of love,

And have this kind of joy and happiness in my life.

And i never imagined, i could be loved in this kind of way.

The way he loves me, is unlike any kind of love i've ever felt before.
And honestly, nobody has treated me as good as he treats me.

 

 

 

Im in awe, every single day of my life,

when i think about the things the Lord has done for me.

And finding Patrick, has been one of the greatest things in my life.

 

I have so much peace,

And so much joy.

And i have to give GOD all of the glory,

for EVERYTHING.

For un-answered prayers.

For wrong turns,

For putting a stop to so many things in my life
that i thought i wanted...

I could go on and on and on,
 there is so many things that i am so grateful for.

The Lord knows what he's doing.

He KNOWS the plans he has for you

 

 

 (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

Seek God. And put him FIRST in your life.

Give him your heart, And every inch of your existance.

Trust in him with everything that you have inside of you.

And let him do for you, all that he has planned for you.

 

You will not regret it.

And you will surely be blessed, all the days of your life.

 

 

 

 

 

Do Not Worry. Trust In God!

You really dont ever have to worry about anything in life, if you REALLY think about it.... Thing's always work out. God always makes a way, and God always bring's you through whatever your going through. I've been through SO many things through-out my entire life.. And i've always worried about the outcome of things... But looking back now, everything all worked out perfectly the way it should. God knows what is best for us, and if things arent going your way.. KNOW THAT HE IS WORKING THINGS OUT IN YOUR FAVOR. He will never let you down. He will take care of it all. Be patient, Dont Worry and PUT YOUR TRUST IN HIM.. ♥

And really look back at everything in your life... All of those things you thought you wanted, you really didnt need, and God knew that. And all of the things that hurt you or changed your life, were all to benefit you, some way, some how.. Just thank God for everything (and trust him)... For the good, and the bad. For the answered prayers and the unanswered prayers... Thank him, for all that he's done, all that he's doing, all that he DIDNT do and all that he is going to do!

End Of The World 12/21/12

I dont believe in all of this "End of the World" on December 21st stuff. But last night, in the middle of the night. All of the power went out. And i heard it instantly, it woke up, and honestly i was terrified. But the FIRST thing i did, as soon as my eyes opened, was prayed! My mouth immedietely started praying OUT LOUD.

Im happy to know, that even if the world ends, i know who my savior is, and i know who to call on. There is no need to be afraid, All you have to do is call out to Jesus.

"Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me." -Psalm 50:15

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14

Glad i went to Church tonight!

I just wanted to write a little something tonight. I was going to tweet it, but you know.. Twitter only allows 140 letters. And you know me- i talk too much. I cant just write 140 letters somtimes.

Anyway's i just wanted to say that im very thankful that i went to Church tonight. It was the first time in my life that i went by myself, to a Church that wasnt my own Church. And let me tell  you, the devil tried every way to stop me from going.

He put a million road blocks in my way. But i rebuked him in the name of Jesus and i kept going.

And i am sooo glad i did!!! :) :) :) :)

Honestly, i was running late, which then turned into me being in a bad mood, And then i got lost.. Took a wrong turn.. I thought i'd never make it there. I wanted to bust out crying, and turn around and go back home, and sit alone and be miserable. (i think thats what the devil wanted too)

But i kept driving & I kept my eyes focused on JESUS!!!! I even turned my Christian radio off, and just Prayed!!! And i made it there.  I was a few minutes late. I missed the song service and a few minutes of the Preaching. But it was so good. And im so glad i went.

That Preacher gave me a word tonight, that i needed. And it stirred up something in my spirit!! My eyes are tearing up now, just thinking about it.

And thankfully i parked beside a young man named Samuel who was late too. He walked with me, and We talked the whole way in, and it made being late worth it! Because i was nervous and scared going alone, And him being there with me comforted me.

So anyway's, besides me being glad that i went to Church...

This is also a message to remember and keep in mind.

Whether it's Preaching, Singing, Witnessing, Going To Church, Reading Your Bible, or Any KIND of effort put towards GOOD works or GOING TO Church OR ANYTHING for the Lord-

When you see negative things coming your way,  When there seems to be red flags on every corner, and your aggervated, And you just want to give up........

DONT GIVE UP

& DONT GIVE IN.

BECAUSE THAT IS THE DEVIL.

HE KNOWS YOUR ABOUT TO BE A BLESSING, OR YOUR ABOUT TO RECEIVE A BLESSING, AND HE WILL DO EVERYTHING HE CAN TO STOP YOU FROM GOING FORWARD. So REBUKE HIM IN THE NAME OF JESUS.
 

And do what you have to do. I promise you, it will be worth it.

And if your doing something for God, or something to honor God, Or even going to Church to SEEK God- I promise you, God is on your side and he's for you. ;)

And if God is FOR YOU, Who Can be against you? :)

NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AMEN!!! :) :) :)

Goodnight everyone!

God bless you all!

E.L.F Villain Palette: Maleficant (swatches)

Hey Everyone! Soo Guess what!?

I went back to Walgreens and bought another Elf Disney Villain Palette!

I couldnt resist!

 

I had so much fun with the other one yesterday-

I couldnt stop thinking about trying out a different one! Plus i realized they were selling out so quickly and super hard to find and *LIMITED EDITION*!

 

My Walgreens already ran out of the Evil Queen Palette- And they only had a few left of Cruella Deville, And Maleficent! So i chose Maleficent! She's the evil lady from SLEEPING BEAUTY! 

The colors looked really awesome, plus i liked the look of the entire book!

 

I havent tried it out yet, but i swatched them for yall

and took a few pictures so that you could see how pretty everything is..

 

I'll be recording another video-tuturoial soon! I hope you all enjoyed my other one!

 Thanks for reading! And dont forget to check out my Youtube Channel

and watch my video if you havent yet, I'll post it down below!

 

This palette comes with everything that the other palettes do, the only thing different is the color of the liquid eyeliner. The two other palettes come with BLACK Liquid eyeliner. But this palette comes with a glitter liner! Which im super excited to use!

 

Oh! And i want you all to know, i went out and bought the "DUO" eyelash glue that everyone suggested! So in the next video i will definetely be using the false eye lashes on BOTH eyes to complete the look!

This palette was $9.99
And it comes with 8 eye shadows
1 set of false lashes + Glue
1 GLITTER Liquid Eyeliner
Eyeshadow Primer
And TWO Lip/Chick color pencils

 

*Maleficent*

Inside the Palette

It say's

~Cast Your Shadowy Spell~

Look at those lashes!!! I cant wait to try!!

The two lip/cheek pencils and the glitter liner!

Spindle - Sceptre- Fog Of Doom - Fauna

Misfortune - Forest Of Thorns- Deep Sleep - Diablo

Day Evil

Night Villain

 

 

 

E.L.F Villain Palette: Evil Queen (swatches)

So first of all i want to say before i go ahead and show off these awesome swatches of all of these colors, I am soo happy that i found these palettes at my local Walgreens! I didnt think id ever have a chance to get my hands on them! They are just too cute! Hopefully one day ELF will start doing more stuff like these... Because i think it could defefinetly draw ALOT  more customers to their company!

ELF is really affordable and the products they have are super fun! Most of the stuff on their website is only 1$ but then they also have some more proffesional looking items for 3$ and up.

Anyway's i hope yall enjoyed my tutorial video i did using this palette and i hope you like the swatches! As usual, i apologize for my camera quality. I just cant afford a better one right now.

Thanks for reading, viewing, watching, and all that jazz ;) And God Bless You!

This palette was $9.99
And it comes with 8 eye shadows
1 set of false lashes + Glue
Liquid Eyeliner
Eyeshadow Primer
And TWO Lip/Chick color pencils

The colors are blendable and buildable, The liquid liner is super black which i love! And the lip/cheek pencils were awesome! It showed up so good on both my lips and my cheeks :) Love Love Love This product!

E.L.F Website: Eyes Lips Face

In the search now bar type in "DISNEY"

All 3 palettes are out of stock as of right now (or so it say's on the website)

But you can enter in your ZIP CODE and find a store near you that carry these awesome palettes!

The packaging is a plus. It's too cute!

Looks like a little book, and you open it up...

And....

Goodies!!!

(sorry the picture is flipped, i cant figure out how to rotate it on here!)

There is a lil Mirror and it say's

"MIRROR MORROR ON THE WALL"

And then you turn that page....

and inside is two instructional guides for two different look!

DAY EVIL

 

NIGHT VILLAN

 

 

 

                                     

 

Both lip/cheek pencils and the black liner :)

 

 

 

Watch My Video Tutorial Here!! 

 

 

 

Another horrible dream :(

Once again, last night i had another bad dream.
And once again, thankfully GOD WOKE ME UP.
I dont think i could have handled another minute of this dream.

It started out in my living room here at home.
I was sitting with my Mom And Dad, watching tv and listening to them argue.
They argued for a long time in my dream.

And time seemed to go by so much more quickly in my dream,
and before we knew it, it was 5 or 6 something in the morning.

And if you knew my Dad, you'd know he goes to bed early because
he gets up early for work.
So for him to be up, was very unusual.
You could see in his face, he was beyond tired, and he
was more to the point of being hyper.

And he wouldnt stop talking. And some of the things he said
were just ridiculous.. Untill Mom finally said, Alright, it's
time for you to go to bed, your talking to much..

So he went in his room.
He came out a few minutes later, and opened the front door.
And said "Jesus?"

- Well i looked around the corner at the front door
and seen a headless man standing there.
...Just a body walked in.

I immedietly got scared, and made my mom run into her room with me.
And i started praying, i started asking God to forgive me of my sins,
and if Jesus really has come back- then let us go to heaven.

Andrew (my nephew) was also in the bedroom, he was laying down watching tv.
Now Andrew is about 9/10 now, But in the dream, he was around 7.

A few minutes later we cracked the bedroom door open to see what was happening.
And this man, was talking to my father,
asking him questions, stupid questions about work.

But his voice, was unlike anything Jesus would have.
It was deep, and almost robotic. And scary.
So i immedetly looked for something for protection.
I found a knife, and kept it in my hand.

Dad shut the door, and locked it.
But this thing kept knocking on the door.
And every time i would look at the door- it would UNLOCK.
I would run and lock it again, and it would unlock everytime.

So i ran and looked out of the peephole of the door-
and there was another man out there with him.
A black man.

And this black man was filled with rage.
Somehow, i figured out- that these two guys were a friend of one of my friends.
And they wanted ME.

So as i was watching out the peephole in the door,
The black punched the window of our truck
(we dont have a truck, but in the dream we did)
And ran his body into it trying to destroy it.
It was as if he was super-human.
So i went back into my Mother's room- and
Dad decided he would sleep on the couch so i could sleep with Mom & Andrew.
Dad made his bed on the couch..

(why on earth, we are okay with going to bed at this point, ill never know? i was still terrified)

I grabbed my phone to call 911, but the phone wouldnt ring.
Minutes later, my phone rang, and the name on the caller ID was my ex boyfriend.
I answered it, but nobody was there..

I had a feeling, it wasnt really him....
But it was the men outside of my house- trying to see if i was still in there.
And some how called, using his name on the caller ID.

Anyway's, i went in the bathroom to put my pajamas on and to brush my teeth.
As im brushing my teeth, i hear my nephew Andrew say "What did you say Charity?"
(mind you my nephew is deaf) So whatever he had heard, must have been loud and clear.
because i heard nothing.

He said it in a teasing kind of voice though,
You could tell there was a smile on his face as he said it.
So i said "Nothing Andrew"
And he said it again.

So i opened the door, and i said "Andrew i didnt say anything"
I finished brushing my teeth and walked out of the bathroom,
And there was a little boy sitting beside him.
Andrew smiled and said "This is my friend".
And i said, who are you?
He said, Im here with my Uncle.

So i knew- that these people had gotten into my house.

I cracked the bedroom door open to see if Mom & Dad were okay.
And they were sitting, on the couch side by side, dead like- but still alive,
Because their eyes were on the TV. They had a blank stare- but still they blinked.

So i grabbed a knife, and slashes it against the child's face.
And nothing happened.

So i knew at that point, no weapons would help me destroy the men that were in my house.

So i stepped out of the bedroom, and i said, come at me, come and get me mother
(and then i cussed, lol- sorry..) and then i asked God to forgive me for that.

And i said out loud
"IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME"
"IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME"
"IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME"
"IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME"

I said it 4 times, out loud, with everything that i had inside of me.
And i woke up.

Tell me what you think about this.

Last Night's Bad Dream

Last night's dream. Which i mentioned in my previous post.

September 18th, 2012- It happened in the middle of the night, so i know it was already the 18th of September. And when i woke up, it was still dark.

In my dream, i was standing outside, and i seen a truck, that i knew going down the road, on the feeder.

So i took off running, to chase after the truck.
I ran with all that i had inside of me, and the roads were all gravel.
It was killing my feet, i can remember feeling the rocks stabbing into my barefeet.
But i kept running and running.
Untill, i lost sight of the truck.

I ran so far that i lost my way.
And i ended up in several different places.
And at this point, i was just trying to find my way back home.

Somehow in between all of this- i lost my phone.
So i couldnt call anyone.

The first place was a huge water park.
But it wasnt like i was there to visit the waterpark.
I was passing through, i remember swimming through the pool to get to the other side,
so that i could keep going, trying to find my way back.

The waterpark some how turned into Grandpa's Apartment building where he lived for a while.. And the people there kept asking me to fill out this form, since i had used the pool, and i remember explaining to them that my Grandpa used to live here.

And then i said, i have to go! I dont have my phone, and my mom is going to start worrying about where i am, i have to get back home!! So i left.

I ended up on dark empty dead end roads..
Behind huge buildings.
Behind mobile homes.
Behind innapropriate places that i dont want to mention.

No matter where i turned, i couldnt find my way back.
I asked several people where the road was back to home,
And every person lead me in the wrong direction.

They'd point this way, and say go this way,
So i'd go, and id end up down dark dead end roads.
I was alone, and terrified.
And by this time it was night time.
And there was no street lights in sight.
Just roads, surrounded by tree's.

I can remember at one moment just running, through the dark, i wasnt even able to see anything around me, but i just kept running.

And then my phone rang.
And it was the person i was chasing in the truck.
I started crying and told them everything that had just happened.
And they told me that i was a liar.

They said that wasnt me that you seen.
And i said, please just come get me...
And they said, let me get to where im going,
and if there is nothing there for me,
then i will come and get you,
Because i need you.

At this point,
I started begging God, in my head (in the dream) to just get me back home.
And God whispered to me... "Just Wake up"
And i woke up.
I was covered in sweat.
And all i could do was say, Thank you Lord for waking me up. Thank You, Thank You.
It was one of the worst dreams i have had in a long time.

Also:
There was some other scenes in the dream as well, But i cant remember them in detail. At one point i was in a small hotel room, and it was filled with so many people that i know, i knew their faces, but honestly right now, i couldnt tell you their names.

If Your Going Through HELL, Dont Stop, Keep Going.

Let me say ahead of time, before anyone read's this. This blog was not meant to offend anyone, I apologize ahead of time if it offends anyone, and/or hurt's anyone's feelings. These thoughts, opinions, and words are all my own, from my own experience.. Im sharing it, as it is, in hope's that one person may be able to relate- and i may be able to help one person. I apologize in advance..

The point of this blog is, we're all gonna suffer, Even Christians. We doubt, We Get angry, Sometimes we even lose faith. Even the greatest Christians. Even the Christian's whose faith can move mountains. This is life, we arent promised easy days. But the Bible does say in 1 Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: But GOD is FAITHFUL, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able.. But will with the tempation also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it"

Which reminds me, i had one of the worst dreams last night. And in my dream, i was going through hell, i cant even begin to tell you the things i was going through, and seeing.. And i kept looking for a way to escape it, and God wispered to me... "Just wake up"- And i immedietly woke up. I was drenched in sweat.. And all i could say, was Thank you God.. Thank you for waking me up.

Ecclesiastes 3

"To everything there is a season,

and a time for every purpose under heaven"

 

A time to break down, and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh.

A time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:3-4

 

 

 

So by this time in my life, im 26 years old, And i feel like i've been through more than any girl

should ever have to go through. Some things i cannot even mention, but i'll give you an idea of

SOME things i have experienced... If i could tell you every single thing, you'd probably pat me on my

back, and say my goodness girl, your the strongest person i know. But it is not of my own strength, because i am weak. God is my strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Phillipians 4:13

 

 I'll share a few random things with you, but i can assure you there is so many things inbetween all of the things that i am about to share

I've dealt with many death's, Losing a good friend, Losing my Grandpa, My Father's Sister, I could go on and on.. Also, not to mention the miscarriages my Sister's have had. One including a 6

month fully developed baby, which had to be delivered, and then buried. These kind of situations affect everyone around you.. it's a loss you cant ever get back, and its a life that you

never even got to experience, touch, hold, or truly love. and when something hurts your sibling's, it

hurts you just as much. Nobody wants to see a loved-one hurting..

 

I've been cheated on, heart broken, played like a fiddle, dumped, and completely abandoned 2 days before my Wedding Day.. Which i had planned on for so long.

 

I ran away from home when i was 14, and at 15, with the same boy who dumped me before our Wedding... We were trying to get married even back then.. My life was never the same after this. My teenage years were hell. I didnt even have a door on my bedroom, my window's were screwed down. I was a prisoner, in my own home. And as far as having a normal teen life- i never did. Which i completely understand, i was a child, too young to get married... I would have done the same thing, if my kid had done what i did.

 

At the age of 11 i started cutting my self, and didnt stop doing this untill i was about 23.

At the age of 17 i developed a full blown eating disorder and this lasted for too many years to count.

And I started smoking at the age of 16.

 

My Brother got a divorce the year i turned 16, which led me into smoking. Because i became

babysitter/mother to his 3 children.. I was a child myself, my youth was stolen from me. Due to my own decisions. So now at this point i had more responsibilities then i should have ever had.

 

You cannot imagine the stress i have had to endure. Those are just a few things, amongst countless

things. Which, like i said, i cannot discuss.

 

These kind of things, might not seem like much to some, but for me, was very much life-changing. And scarring. I've dealt with so much heartache, so much rejection. And if you know me, im such a sensitive person, if you talk to me in a tone im not used to, i could so easily cry.. So to deal with all of the things i've had to deal with has really effected me, mentally, and emotionally.

(and, NO i am not trying to be a *VICTIM* here. Im an overcomer. im just sharing my life experiences.)

 

Sometimes i wonder how on earth im even still surviving. I attempted suicide at the age of 16, and

i've considered it countless times since then. Just yesterday, it crossed my mind, more times than i'd

like to even mention..

 

But everything i have ever been through, has some how been able to help someone else.. Which has made every second, worth all of my suffering...

 

In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it say's "Blessed be God even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, The Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, By the comfort wherewith we ourselves, are comforted of God."

 

So because GOD comforts me, I CAN comfort others.

And i do this, willingly. I willingly and gladly suffer,

Because I know God is going to use my trials,

to help someone else..

 

 

You know, it's easy to help someone when they need help, it's easy to give advice to people.. But

sometime's, someone could say "But you dont know how i feel, you've never been in my situation!!"

Unfortunately, i've been through many situations that alot of people can relate to.. And it's easy for

me to relate to them, boy or girl, man or woman.

 

Yesterday i had tweeted that i had been going through something, and someone wrote back and said "Im Sorry"... But- i said do not apologize. Because i rejoice in my sufferings!!

 

 

*ROMANS 5:3-5*

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

 

 

 

And you all know, im a Christian. And sometimes people looking in from the outside think that

Christians walk on sunshine every day, and the joy of the Lord just makes us sing happy songs all day long.. But that is NOT the case. The Bible say's many times that Christians will suffer.

And we DO!

Now, dont get me wrong, some days are amazing, some days i do walk around singing happily because of the joy that the Lord gives me, but aside from that, life is hell for me just like it is for anyone else. God never promised an easy life.. But he did promise that we would never go through it all alone. And he also said that we can endure it.. And that is what has brought me here today, to share something with you all.. That i feel almost  ashamed to even share. But hey, once again, another life experience that i've lived through, that i know someone can relate to...

 

*DOUBTING GOD*

 

Even as a Christian.. There is a time when you will doubt God..

God isnt listening! He's not giving me the desires of my heart!

 

God are you there?
God, IM BEGGING YOU over here, Hello?
Can you not hear me?
Oh i guess, your too busy, you dont care, or hey maybe your just not there!?!!

For the last two days, i have argued with God, i've fought with him, i've screamed at him, i've done it

all....  Which is SO unlike me. Im a patient, understanding person.. I wait on God, daily, without complaint.. I trust him with every second AND situation in my life, and my hope is in him all day long! But yesterday, and the day before, was unlike anything i've ever experienced.

 

And im here to tell you, THERE IS A GOD. HE IS THERE. He is listening. No he's not responding

as quickly as you think he should. But he is there.. I literally cried for two days straight, untill my eyelids were swollen, and underneath my eyes had huge bags.. I refused to even leave the house yesterday because i had cried so much that my face looked deformed.

 

I've never experienced such a darkness in all of my 26 years. As i did yesterday and the day before.

I did things i'd rather not mention.

Ugh, you just dont know what i went through. I was up untill 7 in the morning arguing with God,

and trying to get him to listen to me. And i mean literally arguing.. I was very angry.

 

I almost, ALMOST thought, if i could just choke myself,

and die, then all of this would be over.

 

Darkness... Pure Darkness.

But i held on, and i endured.

I LITERALLY FELT like i was in PURE HELL.

 

And looking back now, i can imagine God sitting there, with his arms crossed thinking....

"Child, what on earth are you doing? Have i not helped you before? Have we not spoken every day of your life since you realized i was there, Am i not doing for you all that i can? Do you think anything is impossible for me?"

 

Oh the things i imagine God was saying as he was watching me.

I dont think he was mad or angry, i imagine he looked at me, as though i was being a fool. And i was.

If you read my tweets from last night- you may now understand what i was trying to say.

 

My Tweets:

"It only takes 1 second and your situation can be turned around..

If you just hold on for one more day, You'll be alright."

 

"If you can be patient, that's good too, but if not just simple keep trusting God,

even if you dont feel like it. And just hold on for one more day."

 

"Even if it feels like hell, or even the worst day of your life, please just hold on for another day.

Things can change. Anything can happen."

 

 

Everything can change in ONE second.

It takes ONE second for EVERYTHING to change.. Literally, one second.

 

I felt hopeless, careless, i felt like death, i wanted to die. Honestly there was points where i didnt even WANT to Pray. I couldnt even force a prayer out of my mouth... Which is why i started getting angry with God, because i had prayed, and God wasnt responding.

So at that point, i argued instead.

 

But late last night, as i was reading my Bible, i got a text message.... From a friend, who had NO idea what i was going through. A friend i havent spoken to in a while. And exactly what was texted to me,

was exactly what i needed, it was confirmation.. And when i say exactly what i needed, i mean that.

 

And i cried like a baby... And i layed in bed praising God, i got on my knee's and praised God.

 (mind you, this is coming from the girl, who refused to even pray the night before..)

 

Because it showed me, God is there.. He is listening.. No he doesnt answer you when you want and how you want, because Gods ways are not our ways, his timing is not our timing, his THOUGHTS are not OUR THOUGHTS. But that doesnt mean he isnt there... and it doesnt mean he's not listening.. It doesnt even mean he isnt going to respond.. It's just not going to be IN YOUR TIME, IN YOUR WAYS.

 

So what i learned yesterday...

You dont have to be peaceful and patient through a trial, Just trust God...

(if YOU CAN be patient and peaceful, good for you. i however, was not.)

 

Through my arguments and being angry at God.. I wasnt very nice. I wasnt very patient, and quiet. How i acted was NOT a pretty sight. But not one second, Did i not talk to God.... Which to me, means i trust him.

I still trusted the God who i thought wasnt listening, and was ignoring me.

If i didnt trust him, and believe in Him, i simply wouldnt have said a word to him.

So if you can just TRUST GOD, and HOLD ON for ONE MORE DAY.

You will get through it, and you will get the answer your looking for.

 

You just have to

1) NOT GIVE UP

2) HOLD ON

3) TRUST GOD

 

I could have easily ended it all yesterday,

And i would have gladly done so

(the shape i was in, trust me, it would have been my pleasure!)

But i held on.....

Why?

God didnt give me a reason to.

I was not comforted, i felt no peace,

I felt darkness, and hate, and regret.

 

But i held on,

Because SOME where INSIDE of ME,

I had some kind of HOPE.

And some kind of TRUST in GOD.

 

And today, im sitting here writing all of this thinking- Woah... Did i really just go through all that?

What was i thinking!? The day is beautiful, the sun is shining, And i feel amazing.

So please,

HOLD

ON

FOR

ONE

MORE

DAY.

 

Do not give up, Do not give in.

God is listening, God is watching, GOD IS THERE.

And if you can just hold on.....................

He will come through, ON HIS TIME (not yours!!)

IN HIS OWN WAY (not yours!!)

I honestly feel ashamed, as a Christian to even share any of this with any of you.

But if i can HELP ONE PERSON TODAY.

Then my suffering, and sharing my embarassing story,

Is worth EVERY second.

 

Dont give up,
Tomorrow is a new day.
You might feel like your going through hell,
But the sun is gonna shine tomorrow, and your going to make it through.

 

 

One more suggestion before i go,

When "GOD GOES IN" The devil must go out"

I know my struggles yesterday werent just an argument with God... The Devil had his part in it too.

And i know this- Because God has been using me so much lately, And i've been a willing vessle, doing everything the Lord has shown me to do. And the devil couldnt stand it- he wanted to bring me down and destroy me,  and stop me from blessing others.

 

So something i did- even though i was NOT in the mood to read my bible, or anything like that.

I downloaded an app on my phone the night before- which has Preaching on it (from a local church)

*which by the way, is AMAZING.

 

And i layed in bed, listening to these Preachings..

When i turned my radio on, i made sure it was on the Christian channel.

I knew this was a spiritual warfare, a spiritual struggle,

and i refused to give the devil anymore open opportunity's.

 

If you open a door for the devil, he will gladly walk right in.

He will destroy you...... And everything around you.

So close the doors, and dont think for a second that the devil doesnt have a part in your suffering.

He does. He is the main source..  Close all doors for the devil to come in,

Put GOD's WORD in you, and the devil has to go.

 

So maybe you dont feel like praying?

Then listen to some Christian music.

If you dont feel like listening to Christian Music,

Listen to some Preaching messages (on tv, online, wherever..)

Sounds crazy i know, but its true, and it helped.

 

And when i got that text last night,

I had just been sitting there reading my Bible.

So never stop seeking God, even when you dont feel like it. I think when i opened the Bible, and started seeking for something, and reading God's word, That's when God allowed the text to be sent to me. And that was the second everything had changed.

 

Close the door to the Devil,
Open the door for God.

Hold on.... ONE MORE DAY.

And PRAY PRAY PRAY.

 

 

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your request's to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.