You know... I always thought something was wrong with me. I've begged God for years to change me. And impatiently waiting on him to do so, I tried to change myself, several times. I changed my weight, I changed my hair, I changed my look. And those are just the things you can see. I attempted to change every single thing about myself, that everyone always seemed to hate or complain about. I would literally prayed for everything inside of me to be changed.
I prayed God would make me less needy, I prayed he would make me less emotional, less stupid, less loud. I prayed God would change everything about who I was. Because I never felt good enough. I never felt loved, or needed, and I believed that I would never be because of who I was on the inside and out.
I've heard complaint's about every detail about me. They'd say I'm too sensitive, I'm too emotional, I wasn't funny, I was stupid. I took things too seriously. I think too much. My hair wasn't how they liked it. Maybe I would look better if I worked out..
You name it, and I was told it.
I'm not trying to seek sympathy, or play the part of a victim.
What I'm trying to say, is.. I've always been the same girl, who I am today, is who I was when I was little. The same personality, the same heart, the same girl who would cry in her bedroom, as a child, and pray for other children and people. That's still me, today.
And I'm starting to see more and more.. This is who I am, this is who God made me. How I look, how I feel, how I laugh, how I love, is all part of God's masterpiece.
If God wanted me to change, he would change me.
He has the ability to do so. And if he wanted me to change on my own, he would have allowed it. But after all these years.. I'm still me. Silly little me. And maybe I do think too much, maybe I am too emotional. But maybe that's part of God's big plan for me. Without compassion, nothing in this world would ever change. Without love and a heart as deep as the ocean, this world would crumble.
If you are currently in my life, and you don't see me and love me the way that God does, and you don't accept me the way I am, please walk out of my life.
I am who I am, and I need nobodys approval, or suggestions on who I should be or what I should be like. If God didn't have a purpose for me, He wouldn't have made me this way, he wouldn't have made me at all. If God is for me, then anything & everthing else, means nothing to me.
And if there is something about me you dont like, or you feel the need to complain about, bring it to God, dont bring it to my attention.
Go to him, and ask him to help me, or change me, and if it's will, then it will be done.
Life is hard enough, we all have enough to deal with- & Having someone point out your flaws, or something about you that they THEY dont like about you, doesnt make you feel very good about yourself.
Where were you, when God created me?
If he needed help in the detailing of who i am,
You would have been standing right beside him.
He is the potter, and i am the clay.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am the Apple of his eye.
I am a treasure in God's eyes.
God loved me enough, every part of me,
Past, Present, And Future,
INSIDE and OUT.
That he sent his son to die for ME.
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Dear Charity,