If Your Going Through HELL, Dont Stop, Keep Going.

Let me say ahead of time, before anyone read's this. This blog was not meant to offend anyone, I apologize ahead of time if it offends anyone, and/or hurt's anyone's feelings. These thoughts, opinions, and words are all my own, from my own experience.. Im sharing it, as it is, in hope's that one person may be able to relate- and i may be able to help one person. I apologize in advance..

The point of this blog is, we're all gonna suffer, Even Christians. We doubt, We Get angry, Sometimes we even lose faith. Even the greatest Christians. Even the Christian's whose faith can move mountains. This is life, we arent promised easy days. But the Bible does say in 1 Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: But GOD is FAITHFUL, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able.. But will with the tempation also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it"

Which reminds me, i had one of the worst dreams last night. And in my dream, i was going through hell, i cant even begin to tell you the things i was going through, and seeing.. And i kept looking for a way to escape it, and God wispered to me... "Just wake up"- And i immedietly woke up. I was drenched in sweat.. And all i could say, was Thank you God.. Thank you for waking me up.

Ecclesiastes 3

"To everything there is a season,

and a time for every purpose under heaven"

 

A time to break down, and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh.

A time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:3-4

 

 

 

So by this time in my life, im 26 years old, And i feel like i've been through more than any girl

should ever have to go through. Some things i cannot even mention, but i'll give you an idea of

SOME things i have experienced... If i could tell you every single thing, you'd probably pat me on my

back, and say my goodness girl, your the strongest person i know. But it is not of my own strength, because i am weak. God is my strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Phillipians 4:13

 

 I'll share a few random things with you, but i can assure you there is so many things inbetween all of the things that i am about to share

I've dealt with many death's, Losing a good friend, Losing my Grandpa, My Father's Sister, I could go on and on.. Also, not to mention the miscarriages my Sister's have had. One including a 6

month fully developed baby, which had to be delivered, and then buried. These kind of situations affect everyone around you.. it's a loss you cant ever get back, and its a life that you

never even got to experience, touch, hold, or truly love. and when something hurts your sibling's, it

hurts you just as much. Nobody wants to see a loved-one hurting..

 

I've been cheated on, heart broken, played like a fiddle, dumped, and completely abandoned 2 days before my Wedding Day.. Which i had planned on for so long.

 

I ran away from home when i was 14, and at 15, with the same boy who dumped me before our Wedding... We were trying to get married even back then.. My life was never the same after this. My teenage years were hell. I didnt even have a door on my bedroom, my window's were screwed down. I was a prisoner, in my own home. And as far as having a normal teen life- i never did. Which i completely understand, i was a child, too young to get married... I would have done the same thing, if my kid had done what i did.

 

At the age of 11 i started cutting my self, and didnt stop doing this untill i was about 23.

At the age of 17 i developed a full blown eating disorder and this lasted for too many years to count.

And I started smoking at the age of 16.

 

My Brother got a divorce the year i turned 16, which led me into smoking. Because i became

babysitter/mother to his 3 children.. I was a child myself, my youth was stolen from me. Due to my own decisions. So now at this point i had more responsibilities then i should have ever had.

 

You cannot imagine the stress i have had to endure. Those are just a few things, amongst countless

things. Which, like i said, i cannot discuss.

 

These kind of things, might not seem like much to some, but for me, was very much life-changing. And scarring. I've dealt with so much heartache, so much rejection. And if you know me, im such a sensitive person, if you talk to me in a tone im not used to, i could so easily cry.. So to deal with all of the things i've had to deal with has really effected me, mentally, and emotionally.

(and, NO i am not trying to be a *VICTIM* here. Im an overcomer. im just sharing my life experiences.)

 

Sometimes i wonder how on earth im even still surviving. I attempted suicide at the age of 16, and

i've considered it countless times since then. Just yesterday, it crossed my mind, more times than i'd

like to even mention..

 

But everything i have ever been through, has some how been able to help someone else.. Which has made every second, worth all of my suffering...

 

In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it say's "Blessed be God even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, The Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, By the comfort wherewith we ourselves, are comforted of God."

 

So because GOD comforts me, I CAN comfort others.

And i do this, willingly. I willingly and gladly suffer,

Because I know God is going to use my trials,

to help someone else..

 

 

You know, it's easy to help someone when they need help, it's easy to give advice to people.. But

sometime's, someone could say "But you dont know how i feel, you've never been in my situation!!"

Unfortunately, i've been through many situations that alot of people can relate to.. And it's easy for

me to relate to them, boy or girl, man or woman.

 

Yesterday i had tweeted that i had been going through something, and someone wrote back and said "Im Sorry"... But- i said do not apologize. Because i rejoice in my sufferings!!

 

 

*ROMANS 5:3-5*

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

 

 

 

And you all know, im a Christian. And sometimes people looking in from the outside think that

Christians walk on sunshine every day, and the joy of the Lord just makes us sing happy songs all day long.. But that is NOT the case. The Bible say's many times that Christians will suffer.

And we DO!

Now, dont get me wrong, some days are amazing, some days i do walk around singing happily because of the joy that the Lord gives me, but aside from that, life is hell for me just like it is for anyone else. God never promised an easy life.. But he did promise that we would never go through it all alone. And he also said that we can endure it.. And that is what has brought me here today, to share something with you all.. That i feel almost  ashamed to even share. But hey, once again, another life experience that i've lived through, that i know someone can relate to...

 

*DOUBTING GOD*

 

Even as a Christian.. There is a time when you will doubt God..

God isnt listening! He's not giving me the desires of my heart!

 

God are you there?
God, IM BEGGING YOU over here, Hello?
Can you not hear me?
Oh i guess, your too busy, you dont care, or hey maybe your just not there!?!!

For the last two days, i have argued with God, i've fought with him, i've screamed at him, i've done it

all....  Which is SO unlike me. Im a patient, understanding person.. I wait on God, daily, without complaint.. I trust him with every second AND situation in my life, and my hope is in him all day long! But yesterday, and the day before, was unlike anything i've ever experienced.

 

And im here to tell you, THERE IS A GOD. HE IS THERE. He is listening. No he's not responding

as quickly as you think he should. But he is there.. I literally cried for two days straight, untill my eyelids were swollen, and underneath my eyes had huge bags.. I refused to even leave the house yesterday because i had cried so much that my face looked deformed.

 

I've never experienced such a darkness in all of my 26 years. As i did yesterday and the day before.

I did things i'd rather not mention.

Ugh, you just dont know what i went through. I was up untill 7 in the morning arguing with God,

and trying to get him to listen to me. And i mean literally arguing.. I was very angry.

 

I almost, ALMOST thought, if i could just choke myself,

and die, then all of this would be over.

 

Darkness... Pure Darkness.

But i held on, and i endured.

I LITERALLY FELT like i was in PURE HELL.

 

And looking back now, i can imagine God sitting there, with his arms crossed thinking....

"Child, what on earth are you doing? Have i not helped you before? Have we not spoken every day of your life since you realized i was there, Am i not doing for you all that i can? Do you think anything is impossible for me?"

 

Oh the things i imagine God was saying as he was watching me.

I dont think he was mad or angry, i imagine he looked at me, as though i was being a fool. And i was.

If you read my tweets from last night- you may now understand what i was trying to say.

 

My Tweets:

"It only takes 1 second and your situation can be turned around..

If you just hold on for one more day, You'll be alright."

 

"If you can be patient, that's good too, but if not just simple keep trusting God,

even if you dont feel like it. And just hold on for one more day."

 

"Even if it feels like hell, or even the worst day of your life, please just hold on for another day.

Things can change. Anything can happen."

 

 

Everything can change in ONE second.

It takes ONE second for EVERYTHING to change.. Literally, one second.

 

I felt hopeless, careless, i felt like death, i wanted to die. Honestly there was points where i didnt even WANT to Pray. I couldnt even force a prayer out of my mouth... Which is why i started getting angry with God, because i had prayed, and God wasnt responding.

So at that point, i argued instead.

 

But late last night, as i was reading my Bible, i got a text message.... From a friend, who had NO idea what i was going through. A friend i havent spoken to in a while. And exactly what was texted to me,

was exactly what i needed, it was confirmation.. And when i say exactly what i needed, i mean that.

 

And i cried like a baby... And i layed in bed praising God, i got on my knee's and praised God.

 (mind you, this is coming from the girl, who refused to even pray the night before..)

 

Because it showed me, God is there.. He is listening.. No he doesnt answer you when you want and how you want, because Gods ways are not our ways, his timing is not our timing, his THOUGHTS are not OUR THOUGHTS. But that doesnt mean he isnt there... and it doesnt mean he's not listening.. It doesnt even mean he isnt going to respond.. It's just not going to be IN YOUR TIME, IN YOUR WAYS.

 

So what i learned yesterday...

You dont have to be peaceful and patient through a trial, Just trust God...

(if YOU CAN be patient and peaceful, good for you. i however, was not.)

 

Through my arguments and being angry at God.. I wasnt very nice. I wasnt very patient, and quiet. How i acted was NOT a pretty sight. But not one second, Did i not talk to God.... Which to me, means i trust him.

I still trusted the God who i thought wasnt listening, and was ignoring me.

If i didnt trust him, and believe in Him, i simply wouldnt have said a word to him.

So if you can just TRUST GOD, and HOLD ON for ONE MORE DAY.

You will get through it, and you will get the answer your looking for.

 

You just have to

1) NOT GIVE UP

2) HOLD ON

3) TRUST GOD

 

I could have easily ended it all yesterday,

And i would have gladly done so

(the shape i was in, trust me, it would have been my pleasure!)

But i held on.....

Why?

God didnt give me a reason to.

I was not comforted, i felt no peace,

I felt darkness, and hate, and regret.

 

But i held on,

Because SOME where INSIDE of ME,

I had some kind of HOPE.

And some kind of TRUST in GOD.

 

And today, im sitting here writing all of this thinking- Woah... Did i really just go through all that?

What was i thinking!? The day is beautiful, the sun is shining, And i feel amazing.

So please,

HOLD

ON

FOR

ONE

MORE

DAY.

 

Do not give up, Do not give in.

God is listening, God is watching, GOD IS THERE.

And if you can just hold on.....................

He will come through, ON HIS TIME (not yours!!)

IN HIS OWN WAY (not yours!!)

I honestly feel ashamed, as a Christian to even share any of this with any of you.

But if i can HELP ONE PERSON TODAY.

Then my suffering, and sharing my embarassing story,

Is worth EVERY second.

 

Dont give up,
Tomorrow is a new day.
You might feel like your going through hell,
But the sun is gonna shine tomorrow, and your going to make it through.

 

 

One more suggestion before i go,

When "GOD GOES IN" The devil must go out"

I know my struggles yesterday werent just an argument with God... The Devil had his part in it too.

And i know this- Because God has been using me so much lately, And i've been a willing vessle, doing everything the Lord has shown me to do. And the devil couldnt stand it- he wanted to bring me down and destroy me,  and stop me from blessing others.

 

So something i did- even though i was NOT in the mood to read my bible, or anything like that.

I downloaded an app on my phone the night before- which has Preaching on it (from a local church)

*which by the way, is AMAZING.

 

And i layed in bed, listening to these Preachings..

When i turned my radio on, i made sure it was on the Christian channel.

I knew this was a spiritual warfare, a spiritual struggle,

and i refused to give the devil anymore open opportunity's.

 

If you open a door for the devil, he will gladly walk right in.

He will destroy you...... And everything around you.

So close the doors, and dont think for a second that the devil doesnt have a part in your suffering.

He does. He is the main source..  Close all doors for the devil to come in,

Put GOD's WORD in you, and the devil has to go.

 

So maybe you dont feel like praying?

Then listen to some Christian music.

If you dont feel like listening to Christian Music,

Listen to some Preaching messages (on tv, online, wherever..)

Sounds crazy i know, but its true, and it helped.

 

And when i got that text last night,

I had just been sitting there reading my Bible.

So never stop seeking God, even when you dont feel like it. I think when i opened the Bible, and started seeking for something, and reading God's word, That's when God allowed the text to be sent to me. And that was the second everything had changed.

 

Close the door to the Devil,
Open the door for God.

Hold on.... ONE MORE DAY.

And PRAY PRAY PRAY.

 

 

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your request's to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.